The Burden of Being a Lefty
The World is not made for lefties...beyond the shadow of a doubt!
No-one has come up with a definitive reason for WHY some people are left-handed, but about 13% of the population around the world are, and it is thought to be genetic. Indeed, researchers have recently located a gene they believe "makes it possible to have a left-handed child " so if you have that gene, one or more of your children may be left-handed. The good news is, that if you are left-handed yourself, you have that gene and will pass it on through the generations!!
Yes, I'm a lefty...so what????
Here's a list of problems I encounter every single day of my lefty life!
- When I try on clothes in a shop and put them back on the rack, they're always facing the wrong way because, I'm LEFT-HANDED
- While being out of home I have to be on the left side of the road when walking and on the left of people when I'm talking otherwise I feel uneasy. And if I sit on a sofa, it has to be on the left side, too! The same happens if I'm walking up a staircase, always on the left side!
- When going to a cinema or theatre I am always drawn like a magnet to the left hand side to find a seat. If I have to sit on the righ side I don't feel comfortable all night and start thinking how much better I would enjoy the film if I was on the left. This spoils the whole movie!
- If I wear a belt with a designer buckle, the buckle logo is always upside down. "How weird!" you may be thinking...would you like to know the answer?? Most belts, ladies and gentlemen, are designed for righties!
- Among a million things I just can't do in this right-handed world, here's one that really makes me wonder ....is it just me? I am just not able to open tins, simply because I use the tin opener in the wrong direction. The problem is, in fact, that tin openers are made for right-handed users!
- I'm more comfortable carrying my bag on my left shoulder. In fact, I find it almost impossible to keep a bag ON my right shoulder if I try.
- When using the family computer I get extremely upset because the mouse is on the right side!
- When I am drinking especially in a pub or club I feel that if I don't hold the glass in my left hand that I am not enjoying the drink to the full :S
Crossing other people's paths:
When walking past someone, I never know which side to let them pass me on, so I end up doing a little dance and bouncing on both feet before one of us chooses a side. I look so stupid!
- Handshakes! I naturally put out my left hand, but then I have to change it...if not, no handshake!
- When I was a child, I found it really hard to learn how to tie my shoes properly, especially learning from righties. I ended up making two bunny ears and tying them together rather than the loop around and pull.
- Also making check marks (ticks). I always make them on the left side...
Finally, a great burden each and every lefty in this world has is connected with the little finger in our left hand: it always gets dirty of ink when writing!
The Lefty Lament Song
A few years ago, singer/songwriter Ian Radburn wrote a light-hearted song devoted to our community. The result is absolutely creative and has all of us (yes, lefties!!) singing along with the chorus. I'm really proud of bringing his song to you. This is the reason why I've uploaded the amusing and poignant lyrics for posterity. I hope you enjoy it!!!!!!!
Now here's the story of my life,
I've had fun but lots of strife,
For I was born left-handed, but I'm proud
To be one of the elite, right-handers we can beat
We're the 10% that stand out from the crowd!
But as a little lad, oh the problems that I had
Winding clockwork toys was just a mystery
Tying laces was a pain, couldn't get it in my brain
Everything was back-to-front it seemed to me
Chorus
We're the Cack-Handed Kings, we're the LEFTIES
You right-handers just haven't got a clue
'Cos if you'd been through what we've been through
Then maybe you would feel superior too!
At 5 I started school where I was treated like a fool
Being left-handed I stood out from the pack
And learning how to write was not a struggle - more a fight
For I had my left hand tied behind my back
"Now get it in your head" the sympathetic teacher said
"You use the right and not the Devil's side"
Those supposed men of vision caused me pain and such derision
Is it any wonder often times I cried?
We're the Gibble Fisted Friends, we're the LEFTIES (repeat chorus)
Time then came when my voice dropped
And my face was one big spot
But I was glad to see my teenage years arrive,
Because I use my left, I was different from the rest
And the girls saw me as something of a prize!
I learned some handy tricks in the back row of the flicks
It used to drive my girlfriends all berserk
For their eyes would keep apace of my right hand - just in case
And they never saw my left one go to work!
We're the Southpawed Princes, we're the LEFTIES (repeat chorus)
Well I'm married now, worst luck
But my wife has given up
Asking me to help with chores like peeling spuds,
Or trying to cut the bread, I'll get a 4 x 2" wedge
Lose three fingertips and half a pint of blood
I would love to be a dad, but we've hit a little snag
If you can help please tell us what to do
The problem simply said, is that I'm a left-hand thread
But my wife you see, now she's a right-hand .....OH, YES WE'RE THE
Scrummy-Handed Heroes, we're the LEFTIES (repeat chorus)
Now we reach today, where you stand and watch me play
And yes, I play right-handed it is true
For the very simple fact is that I've had to adapt
Something all we southpaws have to try and do
We have trouble tying ties, writing cheques out, using knives
and scissors made for use in your right hand
And when it comes to sport once again we are left short
In hockey and in polo we are banned
We're the Cuddy Wifter Winners, we're the LEFTIES (repeat chorus)
Now I've finished off my song and as you move along
Please bear in mind the things I've had to say
And please show some respect for your friends who use the left
Thanks for listening to me this Left-Handers Day.
